Price: $299

THE SKINNY
After 10 whole months of banging on those old Rock Band drums, it's time to upgrade your skins. There's no better time to do that than with Rock Band 2 now on store shelves and there's no better way to do that than with the Ion Drum Rocker.

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If you didn't check out our super awesome September issue with cover girl Anna Kournikova, you missed out on a bunch of new wrist gear that will make your friends think you're from Blade Runner.

Moon Man
Omega Alaska Project Limited Edition, $5,500
In the ’70s, engineers designed this radical red watch for astronauts; its anodized aluminum casing endures extreme temp variations of up to 400 degrees in space. Newly reissued with the classic Omega 1861 chrono in a limited edition of 1,970, the awesomely astral ticker should help you make it through Space Mountain, even if the A/C breaks down. omegawatches.com

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Heavy Hitter
Babolat Aeropro Drive, $185
Lowdown: Designed to simulate an airplane wing when swung, the Drive suits fast, aggressive players who hit hard---like its most famous user, Rafael Nadal.
Speed: Our four testers averaged just 66 mph.
Accuracy: Our best player hit our cardboard Roger Federer cutout with great accuracy (see our test methods below). "I feel like an assassin," he said. But all told, we average the lowest strike ratio with this one.
Smash: Fair. The racket cracked after just three strikes.
Verdict: Like the Tour, the Drive might fare better in the hands of professionals. "When you hit it right, it's a blast, but when you miss, you miss big," said one tester. Our most advanced amateur said this: "If you can handle its power, it could definitely kill Federer. Can I handle its power? Nope"

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At this point, I've had enough promotional items sent my way that I should cease being shocked, surprised, or puzzled by any of them.


So...congratulations, Axe.  For sending me a solid chocolate hand.



That's right. A giant box filled with a rock solid Hershey's Pimp Hand had me thoroughly stumped. Inside was a card claiming that 82% of women can't resist chocolate. Hm - does that mean they like it open-handed against their cheek? Do they like it when it waves good-bye to them? Do they use it to hail cabs?


Axe, what do you expect me to do with this? Gnawing on body parts at work is a clear violation of my parole. Although I will say I'm happy that you finally found an excuse to go into that erotic bakery near your office. Were they having a sale on "Day Old Fisting Gifts"?

Well....maybe I'll just try a pinkie....Anybody want a chunk of forearm?

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Here’s how to turn some basic office supplies into the fastest beer fridge known to man.

Supplies
•    Compressed air duster (buy one filled with difluoroethane, a refrigerant)
•    Water bottle, with top wide enough to fit the air duster
•    Precision knife
•    Glue gun
•    Duct tape
•    Warm can of beer
•    Another water bottle to hold a beer can
•    Alcoholic impatience

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